I had dinner recently with a good friend. We talked about relationships, which is what most girls do, besides make-up, kids, traveling, working out, decorating, carbs, etc. You get the picture. Since I'm the "single" friend in a large group of married women friends, the question I'm asked frequently is "have you met anyone special yet?" After I've answered, the conversation changes to questions about past relationships and long-lost loves.
During this time at dinner, I shared why I felt they'd failed and the part I played in their demise. If I've learned anything from the past seven years being on my own and reflecting, I've learned I'm not perfect and I could have done better too.
This particular girlfriend has been married to her college sweetheart for twenty-nine years. They aren't together "because of the kids", they're together because they're happily married. I told her how blessed she was to still be in love with her husband of almost three decades. I asked her what she thought made it work.
She believes one of the biggest reasons her marriage works so well is because her husband is an incredibly selfless man, who's married to a woman who highly respects him. She told me, "Vic, next time, you need a guy who isn't self-centered or selfish".
Her comment made me think about the men I've loved. It was absolutely eye-opening to realize I'd never loved a selfless man. I thought about my daughters and their husbands. Each one of my sons-in-law are the most selfless men I've ever met. They love my girls' unconditionally. Each one of them share healthy, happy marriages.
I think my friend is on to something. :)